


Sometimes Worse

by stereks_fifth_nipple



Series: After Effects [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Counseling, Emotionally Hurt Stiles Stilinski, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stiles has flashbacks, after effects of shooting, school shooting, stiles goes to college
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:51:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6817921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereks_fifth_nipple/pseuds/stereks_fifth_nipple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m fine!” Stiles almost yelled. “Just leave it alone! Let’s focus on what we came here for and not whatever you guys think this is.”</p><p> <br/>Lydia was just about to talk again, but Derek beat her to it. “How about we all take a break? We can meet back up tomorrow afternoon, but it’s getting a little tense in here.”</p><p> <br/>“That sounds like a great idea.” Malia agreed, practically jumping from her seat to leave.</p><p> <br/>“Do you need a ride?” Lydia asked, grabbing Kira’s arm and pulling them both out of the door.</p><p> <br/>Liam stops in front of Stiles before leaving and puts his hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry about your friend.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grief Counseling

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to Humans Can Be (Monsters) Too. It can be read as a stand alone. The first part in the series is really just a short bit from Stiles perspective during the shooting.
> 
> This is unbeta'd.
> 
> You can prompt me at writinganonymously24@gmail.com or reach me at tumblr stormy-rains.tumblr.com

**_Did you know him well?_ **

The room is too white. Too sterile.

 

**_Well enough._ **

****

Maybe the cleanliness is meant to be comforting.

 

**_How did you know him?_ **

It isn’t.

 

**_We had a few classes. Worked on projects together. Studied. He was a great baseball player, everyone knew him._ **

If anything the white walls make him want to stare at the lights.

 

**_Were you with him that day?_ **

Until the color of the room, the sound of everything around him faded away. Just light.

 

**_Yeah._ **

Maybe if everything would fade away, he wouldn’t see images of Roy Shaw in his head.

 

**_How did you two get separated before the incident?_ **

Images where Roy has a bullet in his forehead.

 

**_An incident? Is that what they’re calling this?_ **

His laugh rings out, completely lacking humor.

**_What would you call it?_ **

“I think I’m done for today,” Stiles said, pushing on the arm rests to rise from his chair. “I’m sure you’ve got other people to grief counsel.”

 

“Stiles, it’s important that you talk about what happened.” Her voice is too patronizing.

 

He stops and turns to look back at her. “No, it’s important that I can get passed this. And I can.” He says. “If you would just stop probing and let me.”

 

Maybe he shouldn’t have just walked out. He couldn’t really bring himself to care.

 

\--

 

_“Hey Roy, my boy,” Stiles called as he came up behind him to pat his shoulders. “Po-“_

_“If you say ‘poet and didn’t know it’, I will have to leave the cafeteria immediately.”_

_“That was so not what I was going to say. I was going to say… poor Hurricanes. You know. Because you guys murdered them last game.”_

_Roy hummed. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s what you were going to say.”_

_“Hey, I could totally be a baseball enthusiast!”_

_“Yeah, when pigs fly maybe,” Roy snorted._

“Stiles!”

 

Stiles jumped at the sound of his name being called. He turned to see Scott in the doorway. His old bedroom doorway. Because he’s at his dad’s now. That’s right.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“I called your name like three times, dude.” Scott said, concerned. “Are you sure you’re up for this?” Scott put his hand on Stiles’ shoulder, looking into his eyes for the truth.

 

“Yeah, man.” Stiles shrugged Scott’s hand off. “I’m fine.”

 

Scott looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t argue. Instead they left together.

 

_“What are you even doing in the cafeteria? You hate it here.” Stiles pointed out as he stole a fry from Roy._

_“Yeah, that’s what I told my brother. He insisted on meeting here for lunch together, though. You just missed him actually.”_

_“Bummer,” Stiles fake sighed. “He’s the way cooler Shaw anyway.”_

_“Hey!” Roy laughed out. “I’ll have you know, he had to use a night light until her was about to turn ten. That makes me the cooler Shaw by default.”_

_“Eh, whatever helps you sleep at night. Obviously that isn’t a night light.”_

_“Shut up, dick.” Roy laughed. “It was nice seeing him. I kind of miss the asshole a lot now that we’re both so busy.”_

_“I’m glad.”_

“So you’re saying we need to wait? What good is that going to do when one of us ends up dead?”

 

Stiles flinches at the words as he comes back to the present.

 

“We can’t just attack them without reason, Lydia.” Scott reasons.

 

“ _Without reasons_? I’d say the two dead high schoolers and the dead deputy beg to differ.”

 

“Okay, I get it. But we still need solid proof if we’re going to come at them like this.”

 

“Wha- We already know it’s them!” Lydia raised her voice. “They’ve been dropping hints and vague statements for two weeks now. Do you even listen to- Derek, tell him we need to act on this.”

 

“We do need to act-“ Derek was cut off.

 

“See!”

 

“But Lydia, I also agree with Scott.” Lydia’s mouth hardened. “We’re still a smaller pack, and a less experienced one altogether. We need more to go on.”

 

“If we move too soon, we might be in over our heads,” Kira added, sounding apologetic for disagreeing with Lydia.

 

“People are losing their lives. Their kids, brothers, sisters. Their best friends. We need to act now.”

 

“Lyds,” Stiles chimed in for the first time. “I understand that this means a lot, to you especially, but logically you have to know that waiting is going to be our best bet at actually stopping them. We need a real plan. Maybe you should just take a few days to relax.”

 

“Stiles, you are not exactly the epitome of mental health. If you want to tell someone to take care of themselves, you should really take your own advice first.”

 

“Lydia-“ Scott started in.

 

“No, Scott.” She interrupted once more. “I’m right and we all know it. Stiles, we’re worried. None of us know where your mind went this entire meeting. You always bottle things, and I don’t think this is something you can just bottle.”

 

“I’m _fine._ ” Stiles declared. “I’ve been telling you guys that. We need to focus on this right now.”

 

“Stiles, we heard the report from your dad…” Scott said. “We know that guy was more than just some random baseball player. We know you were close friends.”

 

Stiles flinched for the second time that night.

 

“Other people who were in that room told the police that you saved that girls life.” Scott takes a step closer to Stiles, who isn’t looking straight at him but over his shoulder. “You can talk to us about this, you don’t have to keep bottling things up.”

 

“ _I’m fine!”_ Stiles almost yelled. “Just leave it alone! Let’s focus on what we came here for and not whatever you guys think this is.”

 

Lydia was just about to talk again, but Derek beat her to it. “How about we all take a break? We can meet back up tomorrow afternoon, but it’s getting a little tense in here.”

 

“That sounds like a great idea.” Malia agreed, practically jumping from her seat to leave.

 

“Do you need a ride?” Lydia asked, grabbing Kira’s arm and pulling them both out of the door.

 

Liam stops in front of Stiles before leaving and puts his hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

 

_“So what do you think of this new Political Science professor?” Roy asked._

_“I think he’s kind of a douche, but at least he only really gives two assignments per chapter.” Stiles said. “Speaking of Political Science, do you have a highlighter I could borrow?”_

_“Stiles.” Roy sighed. “You have lost every highlighter you have ever borrowed from anyone ever, including me.” Even as he complains, he hands Stiles a bright orange highlighter._

_“What else are friends for except to give you utensils necessary for class?” Stiles joked. “Besides, I always give you the highlighted and outlined noted when I’m done. The highlighter is a small price to pay for that.”_

“You’re perfectly fine, huh?”

 

When he realizes where he is again, everyone has cleared out. Except Derek, who is sitting on the couch across from the one he’s on in the sitting room.

 

“Sorry, I must have zoned out a little bit…”

 

“A little bit?” One of Derek’s eyebrows raised in question. “You know, I knew you had a tendency to over-exaggerate, but you really have been under-exaggerating a lot lately.”

 

“Oh Jesus, not you too.” Stiles groaned. “I can take it from Scott and Lydia, Hell I can even almost take the coddling from my dad, but I can’t take it from you, Derek. You know me well enough to know that I would really just like to move on from this.”

 

“And I also know you well enough to know that you overthink. Actually, you never stop thinking. And I know that this isn’t going to be something that just goes away.” Derek stands and started making his way around the coffee table to Stiles. “I know that you feel with everything you have, and you care for your friends as if they were family.” Derek sits on the edge of the table in front of Stiles. Stiles swallows and looks away. “And I know that you’re trying to compartmentalize, that you’re trying not to hurt for your friend and you’re trying not to hurt in front of your pack. We’re here for you though.”

 

“Derek, I’m-“

 

“If you try and tell me that you’re fine, I might actually consider following through with one of my threats.”

 

Stiles blinks. “I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here. I don’t want to go back to school and have to walk through that cafeteria. I don’t want to have to pass Roy’s dorm door. I don’t want to see all of the fucking candles everyone is putting on the front steps-“

 

“Stiles, breathe.”

 

Stiles hadn’t even realized that he wasn’t breathing. He hadn’t realized that he was talking so fast, and getting so worked up.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I am the one person that I can guarantee you don’t ever have to apologize to.” Derek told him, looking straight into his eyes. “Ever.”

 

“Yeah, that’s because sometimes you’re kind of the best. Don’t tell Scott.” Stiles tried joking, but the sentence came out too serious, and he sounded too tired.

 

“I would never.”

 

“I think I should probably go now.” Stiles said, standing up from the couch.

 

“Try and get some sleep tonight. You look dead.”

 

Stiles whistled. “You sure do know how to flatter ‘em, Derek Hale.”

 

“I try,” Derek smiled. The soft smile.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

 

\--

 

 

“Stiles, you should come swimming with us.” Kira smiled.

 

“You tell that to me every time I come back for a break.” He said, not looking up from the book he was reading, foot tapping away.

 

“And yet you never do.” Lydia said.

 

“Sorry.” He said, distracted and entirely unapologetic.

 

“What are you reading, anyway?” Scott asked.

 

“Nothing of importance.” He shut the book and stood. “I’ll go put this away, and then how about we watch the puppies try and assert dominance over one another in the woods again?”

 

“Fine.” Lydia huffed.

 

Stiles went up to his room, Derek following behind.

 

“Give me just a second to grab a jacket.”

 

Derek noticed the way Stiles set the book on his desk and put a stack of papers on top of it, so when Stiles went to grab a sweatshirt, he gently pushed the stack of papers of the book to reveal the cover.

 

_Identifying Dangerous Personalities_

Stiles shut his closet door before realizing what Derek was looking at. He seemed to deflate visibly when Derek’s eyes met his.

 

“Stiles… It’s been months now. There was nothing you could have done that you didn’t do, you know that.”

 

“Yeah, I just… When I think of Roy, or when I see the scar the walls left on my side when they fell… I just wish there was a way…” Stiles exhaled shakily. “I just wish it never got to that point, you know? I can still hear him clicking the safety on and off, and the way everyone cried. I can see how terrified that girl was and I feel the adrenaline and fear that made me interrupt all over again.”

 

“You have to accept the fact that there isn’t anything you could have done to predict that they were coming. You have to realize that you couldn’t have known, and that you can’t save everyone. You can’t move on and get better if you don’t.”

 

Stiles’ eyes were watering and his hands were shaking. “I know.”

 

“I promise you, we’ll all be there for you. We won’t let you go through something like this again alone.” Derek said as he grabbed Stiles arm and pulled him in.

 

The first of Stiles’ tears fell. When his breathing got rougher, Derek was still there. Holding Stiles’ head ticked under his chin. Soothing him and kissing the top of his head.

 

That’s when Derek swore to himself that he would always be there.

 

 


	2. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a sudden loud bang and Stiles flinched away from the noise so hard that his side hit fridge and he fell to the ground.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _gunbombgunbombgunbomb_

Going back to school was... weird, for lack of a better term. People stared at him in something akin to awe when he walked by. There were whispers about him losing a friend and roommate. The first time he saw Ryan Shaw months after the funeral, they hugged and cried silently before parting ways.

 

The first time the blonde girl who was almost shot saw him, she broke down crying. She ran over and hugged him and, after a moment of standing there shocked, Stiles hugged back. She introduced herself as Lynn. She told him about her Thanksgiving and how her mother had announced that she was the most thankful for his existence. 

 

He didn't go to the cafeteria that day. 

 

 

There were a few mandatory assemblies at the end of the week about things like gun safety, how if you need help you should reach out to people, about noticing strange behavior and reporting it. 

 

The Dean thanked him in front of everyone for getting everyone away from the bomb in time. He left early and fell into his room with a panic attack reaching for his lungs. His single room. They already removed Roy's stuff and told him the room was his for the rest of the year. He still hasn't moved any furniture into the empty space on the left side of the window. 

 

 

\--

 

 

_"Stiles, we're going to get in trouble," Roy couldn't stop laughing even as he said it._

 

_"A triple dog dare is a triple dog dare, and I-" Stiles stumbled to the left while trying to take his pants off and looked around confused for a second. He blinked. " I will not be a wuss!"_

 

_"Sh, Stiles! You're too loud, someone will hear your drunk ass."_

 

_Stiles lifted an unsteady arm to point at Roy's face (or half a foot too far to the left), "You brought this on yourself, Ponyboy."_

 

_A pair of dark blue jeans smacked Roy in the face. As soon as he pulled them off and threw them to the ground, something dark hit him where the jeans were and-_

 

_"Ew! Stiles!"_

 

_Stiles cackled the entire one hundred feet that he half ran half stumbled. As soon as he got to the student-favorite fountain, he jumped in._

 

 

Stiles clenched his jaw as he stared at the fountain. He threw away the lunch he hardly touched and walked away. Guess he couldn't eat outside anymore either.

 

 

\--

 

 

He still flinches when the students in his hall slam their doors too hard.

 

 

\--

 

 

The amount of weight he lost between Thanksgiving and winter break probably wasn't healthy.

 

 

\--

 

 

He thought he could handle watching a game without Roy but then he saw the guys in their baseball uniforms and he panicked. He ran off because there was a player missing from the team. Maybe most people didn't notice, but it was so obvious to him. 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Stiles didn't get back home for winter break until almost six but he prepared dinner so that it would be ready when his dad got home at eight. And if he decided to take a nap at seven when he was finished, well he's nineteen and can definitely make the decision to nap at any hour.

 

 

 

"... him."

 

"Do you think.... soon?"

 

"If....  -en yes"

 

"Maybe we should let him sleep... He looks tired and it's after nine anyway."

 

"Scott McCall, I have not seen him since a month ago when he was traumatized and not taking care of himself. He looks like he's been letting himself waste away since then. If you don't get out of my way, I will do so much worse than castrate you."

 

"Okay just.... stepping away now."

 

"Thank you."

 

Then softer. "Stiles."

 

He could feel fingers running through his hair. It was a welcome feeling, it was nice and calming and he maybe leaned into it just a little bit. 

 

"Alright, fine. You can keep sleeping just this once but I'm not leaving." There was a dip in the bed and he could feel someone crawl over him to squeeze in between his back and the wall. Gentle arms wrapped around his torso. "Well, Scott? Are you staying or leaving?"

 

Stiles could hear the sound of boots being kicked off onto the hardwood floor and then there was another dip. The arms around him slid away and something resembling a whine left his throat as he was turned to face the wall. A heat stronger than the one before was draped over his back and new arms were wrapped around him, then something was pushing itself into his arms.

 

He sighed when he felt the small hand run through his hair again. The warm arms tightened briefly.

 

He was warm and content and everything else dropped away.

 

 

\--

 

 

When Stiles woke back up he wasn't warm like he vaguely remembered being in the night. The alarm on his nightstand said it was 01:37. A quick look outside the window confirmed that it was in fact still nighttime. 

 

With a groan he pushed himself out of his bed, stumbling to the hall and down the stairs. There was a quiet murmur that slowed to a stop by the time he reached the last steps. At the dining room table was not only his father, but Scott, Lydia, and Derek. 

 

His dad gave him a smile, "What are you doing up, kid?"

 

Stiles scratched his arm as he shrugged. "Got cold." 

 

"That's Scott's fault." Lydia rolled her eyes. 

 

"Wha- No it isn't!" 

 

Lydia turned on him. "I told you not to get up! You're like a big werewolf furnace and you were keeping him warm."

 

"You guys were in my room?"

 

"They got here about an hour after I did," His dad said. "And Scott looked like he was going to cry if I didn't let him up to see you."

 

"I was not going to cry! Why is everyone picking on me today?" Scott pouted.

 

Stiles gave a small huff of laughter as he patted Scott on the back on the way to the kitchen. "You make it so easy, Scotty."

 

As he reached into a cabinet for a glass he could hear the murmuring start up in the dining room again. He rolled his eyes as they not-so-inconspicuously started talking about him again. He's  _fine._ Orange juice has never tasted so good, that's how fine he is. 

 

Stiles stops to wonder what Derek is doing here at nearly two in the morning. Obviously they are all discussing his mental health, but was he already here? Lydia said she and Scott were in his room, but was Derek, too?

 

There was a sudden loud bang and Stiles flinched away from the noise so hard that his side hit fridge and he fell to the ground.

 

_gunbombgunbombgunbomb_

 

_They're in the house how are they in the house they died they're supposed to be dead_

 

_They're dead they have to be the bomb killed them_

 

_Dead_

_The police confirmed it_

 

_They can't be here_

 

_Where's Roy_

_Roy_

 

" _Stiles!"_

 

Stiles blinked. He looked up from where he was backed against a cupboard on the floor. Derek stood in front of him, holding onto his forearms tightly, his dad was crouched down next to him, and Scott was standing next to Lydia hovering slightly further back. Lydia looked, well, devastated.

 

His heart was still pounding and it was likely that the wolves were listening to it so he tried to breathe more steadily.

 

"I'm sorry," He croaked.

 

"Jesus, kid," His dad grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. Stiles was lax in his arms but pressing his face into his dad's neck and shoulder. 

 

He could hear the others shuffling out of the kitchen. He stayed limp in his father's grasp and just turned his face further into the sheriff's neck, taking all the comfort he could.

 

"Maybe you should talk to your department head at school, see about doing online for the next semester." His dad's voice was soft but worried. Not exactly asking Stiles but telling him. "We're all worried about you. You're practically skin and bones, you look like you haven't slept in ages, and I... I think this is definitely post-traumatic stress."

 

Stiles didn't say anything at first, just breathed in the smell of his father's spice-like aftershave and tried to calm himself down. "I'll make the phone call tomorrow."

 

His dad sighed with relief. "Alright, how about we get you back to bed. Maybe we can have lunch tomorrow and talk some more."

 

"Okay." Stiles whispered.

 

His dad helped him up and Stiles inhaled shakily before they made their way out of the kitchen.

 

Scott stood in the dining room, a sad smile on his face. "Hey, man. Lydia's waiting in the car, I'm gonna take her home." There was a clicking sound and suddenly a black wolf came through the doorway. "Derek said he'll stay here tonight, okay?"

 

Stiles just nodded, afraid to use his voice. The smile slipped off of Scott's face and the concern was showing for just a second before Scott yanked Stiles into a tight hug. 

 

"Try and get some more sleep tonight." 

 

"I will." Stiles said, but it came out weaker than he meant it to.

 

Scott let him go. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll bring video games, Nerd ropes, and peanut butter cups."

 

Stiles smiled at him and nodded. After the front door shut both Stilinski's turned to Derek Hale, patiently waiting in his wolf form, sitting on his hind legs. 

 

"Alright, come on, fuzzball." 

 

 

Stiles will never admit to anyone how much relief he felt falling asleep with his face buried in Derek's neck while he tangled his fingers in fur.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned, new chapter soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all the commenters on the first part. If you hadn't kept pushing for a sequel, I wouldn't have found the motivation to write it.
> 
>  
> 
> You can prompt me at writinganonymously24@gmail.com or reach me at tumblr stormy-rains.tumblr.com


End file.
